A Sex Addict's View of Haggard's Fall

If Ted Haggard was in my FMO group and he had given this statement to us to explain why he committed adultery with a male prostitute - what would be my reaction? How do I view his statement as a sexual addict?

First, he would have to be in our group. Some polls have shown that up to 64% of Christian men, pastors included, "struggle with sexual addiction or sexual compulsion including, but not limited to use of pornography, compulsive masturbation, or other secret sexual activity". He would perhaps have taken the test; found out he wasn't doing well; and contacted a group in Colorado Springs; or wherever he was in the US.

Next, we have group guidelines I have to follow (and which are right anyway) which are going to limit how I, and the group, will react [Hopefully :-)].

• Self-Focus: We are here to work on ourselves, not on others. We share our own experience, insights and feelings.
• Respect of Others: We do not advise, analyze or try to "fix" others. Each of us is free to find our own answers.
• Listen: We avoid cross-talk and give each person who shares our undivided attention without offering unsolicited advice.
• Let God Work: We do not preach at members of this group.

So, brother Ted gets busted and comes to us and says:

I am so sorry. I am sorry for the disappointment, the betrayal, and the hurt. I am sorry for the horrible example I have set for you.

I have an overwhelming, all-consuming sadness in my heart for the pain that you and I and my family have experienced over the past few days. I am so sorry for the circumstances that have caused shame and embarrassment to all of you.

I asked that this note be read to you this morning so I could clarify my heart's condition to you. The last four days have been so difficult for me, my family and all of you, and I have further confused the situation with some of the things I've said during interviews with reporters who would catch me coming or going from my home. But I alone am responsible for the confusion caused by my inconsistent statements. The fact is, I am guilty of sexual immorality, and I take responsibility for the entire problem.

Whew, finally. (Sorry brother Ted - what are those guidelines above?) Shame and guilt are a horrible, horrible cycle that leads us to medicate ourselves - usually with same actions we feel shame and guilt over. That is why addictive cycles are cycles and addictive. Feeling sorry is certainly one of the first emotions, but one of the least productive. Now, we get to his taking responsibility; even though he has made excuses for his deceptions and half-truths as the four days progressed. That is understandable though, his entire life has just come apart.

I am a deceiver and a liar. There is a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark . . .

Sigh. The problem with being repulsed by the darkness inside us is that we stay away from it instead of shining a light on it and examining it. We all have darkness inside of us; all have parts of us that repulse us; and we gain healing, in part, by holding those parts out in God's light and not allowing them to stay in some dark place and fester.

. . . that I've been warring against it all of my adult life For extended periods of time, I would enjoy victory and rejoice in freedom . . .

I destroyed my first marriage by adultery with prostitutes - although I "gained victory" over this, and stopped the behavior, about 6 months before the behavior was discovered by my wife because of some leftover evidence.

I continued my seeking after sexual gratification separate from intimacy between leaving my first wife and meeting my second. God did a wonderful miracle in my life on the meeting of my wife; and for 14 years I did not struggle with finding other women attractive, a desire for topless bars or erotic massage, or indeed for other women at all. No pornography. A "victory" given me, in an instant, by God's grace alone.

During that 14 years I became a Christian, and I strived to be a good husband and eventually a good father. Four years ago, we got the internet in our home and I casually decided to see what kind of sexual stuff was available - a month later I, with the help of God, turned away from it. I too thought I had experienced "victory" - again.

Then, my wife left me two years ago for reasons not connected to my sexual sin - although my "outing" myself a year after the fact about the internet pornography was a significant part of her pain; and my seeking help a major part of her demands. During the period she was gone, sexual sin exploded in my life: I wallowed in internet pornography; and ran up huge cable bills watching porno on TV. Again, I gained "victory" and got this "under control" with God's help. I joined FMO to appease my wife and prove I "was working on my problems" so we could restore our marriage. I really thought it was "much ado about nothing" - I had, after all, had "victory" through God's strength. Victory (temporary), but not healing [see James passage below]

I now view this as a monster living in a closet in my attic; and that my victories amount to stuffing him back in that closet and getting the door closed again. I have never killed it or cleaned that closet out - and as long as it lives it will gain strength. Ted had the same problem:

Then, from time to time, the dirt that I thought was gone would resurface and I would find myself thinking thoughts and experiencing desires that were contrary to everything I believe and teach.

This is normal. Certainly, as a Pastor in an evangelical, bible-teaching church he understands the depravity of the flesh - so well described by Paul

For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin. For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.

How often did Ted preach on this passage in his life?

Through the years, I've sought assistance in a variety of ways, with none of them proving to be effective in me.

This I have heard a lot. Some people struggle in this area and never get victory. Paul talked about "his thorn" and God's refusal to remove it from him in order to keep him from spiritual pride:

2 Corinthians 12:5 . . .on my own behalf I will not boast, except in regard to my weaknesses. 6 For if I do wish to boast I will not be foolish, for I will be speaking the truth; but I refrain from this, so that no one will credit me with more than he sees in me or hears from me. 7 Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me--to keep me from exalting myself! 8 Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. 9 And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 10 Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

Apparently, the point of this passage was missed by Ted as well - leading to the problem Paul cites:

Then, because of pride, I began deceiving those I love the most because I didn't want to hurt or disappoint them. The public person I was wasn't a lie; it was just incomplete. When I stopped communicating about my problems, the darkness increased and finally dominated me. As a result, I did things that were contrary to everything I believe.

Now, of course, my little scenario falls apart. Ted isn't in my group - he is one of those men who fell away to deal with their "darkness" on their own.

Anyone in any addiction program understands this. He did not have success in the programs, which caused more shame, so he attempted to "fight it on his own"; or perhaps he thought "I'm Ok really" and could handle it himself. I think he misses another point here - this is something in which he needed on-going accountability; and that could not be his wife - because we all desire to not hurt our spouses and cause them pain (that is a good thing BTW - our wives do not need "all the details" but we need to confess them to someone). Sexual sin is extremely humiliating and painful to our wives; and only by working on it for years can we get to the point that our honesty about our sexual sin will not be painful to them. In the meantime, you must have other men who know how you feel and suffer through what you suffer through to talk to and hold you accountable. Why? God is willing to forgive if we ask:

1 John 1:8 If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar and His word is not in us.

but healing comes by a different process:

James 5:16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.

And, of course, the darkness will increase and dominate you if you do not continue to act:

With sexual impurity, many times there are no visible consequences for years. However, we cannot escape the fact that we will reap what we sow. Inappropriate sexual behavior that is stimulating or pleasurable now [even just in your thought life], may cause you a great deal of pain later.

What are the consequences if you continue your behavior?

• Loss of self-respect - feelings of shame and the need to conceal your behavior
• Lack of relational intimacy - until you start living with integrity you may not know how differently your relationships and attitudes can look
• Lack of satisfaction in your current relationships
• You may lose your wife, fiancée or girlfriend
• A destructive legacy for your children

If you progress you could:

• Lose your job
• Get arrested
• Lose your reputation

Most of this probably happened to Ted as he spiraled down to the final train wreck..

The accusations that have been leveled against me are not all true, but enough of them are true that I have been appropriately and lovingly removed from ministry. Our church's overseers have required me to submit to the oversight of Dr. James Dobson, Pastor Jack Hayford, and Pastor Tommy Barnett. Those men will perform a thorough analysis of my mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical life. They will guide me through a program with the goal of healing and restoration for my life, my marriage, and my family.

Just a bit more denial there, but that will be going away as well. The program Ted needs is weekly, if not daily, accountability with men who have experienced the same issues. I do not know Dobson's, Hayford's (although he wrote the introduction to Pure Desire - the book my FMO group is working through now), or Barnett's history. I also know such a "thorough analysis" is an on-going, lifetime process that is not going to be handed to Ted on a plate by anybody.

I created this entire situation. The things that I did opened the door for additional allegations . But I am responsible; I alone need to be disciplined and corrected. An example must be set.

This bothers me - a lot. This is his shame and guilt desiring to be punished. No, brother Ted: I desire your healing and the restoration of a loving, unlimited relationship with Gayle that can glorify God - assuming she can reach into God's power and give you his grace and mercy and forgive you. If she divorces you, which you deserve, I hope to help you heal and re-build a life based on an honest examination of your self. I do not need to see you "punished" because that may make you think the problem has reached closure.

Also, he didnt "create the whole situation" - it is far more complicated than that; and he is striving here to again pretend he is in control

It is important that you know how much I love and appreciate my wife, Gayle. What I did should never reflect in a negative way on her relationship with me. She has been and continues to be incredible. The problem is not with her, my children or any of you. It was created 100 percent by me.

I have been permanently removed from the office of Senior Pastor of New Life Church. Until a new senior pastor is chosen, our Associate Senior Pastor Ross Parsley will assume all of the the responsibilities of the office. On the day he accepted this new role, he and his wife, Aimee, had a new baby boy. A new life in the midst of this circumstance - I consider the confluence of events to be prophetic. Please commit to join with Pastor Ross and the others in church leadership to make their service to you easy and without burden. They are fine leaders. You are blessed.

I appreciate your loving and forgiving nature, and I humbly ask you to do a few things.

1. Please stay faithful to God through service and giving.


2. Please forgive me. I am so embarrassed and ashamed. I caused this and I have no excuse. I am a sinner. I have fallen. I desperately need to be forgiven and healed.


3. Please forgive my accuser. He is revealing the deception and sensuality that was in my life. Those sins, and others, need to be dealt with harshly. So, forgive him and, actually, thank God for him. I am trusting that his action will make me, my wife and family, and ultimately all of you, stronger. He didn't violate you; I did.


4. Please stay faithful to each other. Perform your functions well. Encourage each other and rejoice in God's faithfulness. Our church body is a beautiful body, and like every family, our strength is tested and proven in the midst of adversity. Because of the negative publicity I've created with my foolishness, we can now demonstrate to the world how our sick and wounded can be healed, and how even disappointed and betrayed church bodies can prosper and rejoice.

Gayle and I need to be gone for a while. We will never return to a leadership role at New Life Church. In our hearts, we will always be members of this body. We love you as our family. I know this situation will put you to the test. I'm sorry I've created the test, but please rise to this challenge and demonstate the incredible grace that is available to all of us.

There is not much I can say here. He needs to get beyond the shame he expresses in #2 - again, guilt and shame are useless and destructive emotions. Other than that, I hope he finds God's healing and peace.

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I Decided to Start With Marriage

I decided to start with marriage: mainly because the overriding theme of Ted Haggard's "fall" - or perhaps his rise - is his adultery; and not who he was adulterous with. A complicating factor is the question of whether he married against his basic nature as a homosexual and therefore his vows were dishonest and void. Or, if they were not void - they were doomed to failure because he was in denial and self-loathing.

This is about marriage between followers of Christ - well, at least mostly. There are variations cited in scripture even for Christians married to non-Christians; and everything assumed the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.

There are some passages of scripture that are "fundamental" to my understanding of marriage; and that the Holy Spirit has confirmed again and again in my life as true. Let's start with:

Genesis 2:23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." 24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

While I may not personally agree, for the sake of this discussion I have no problem

• with those who want to believe that the gender definitions in all of this are fluid.
• if you want to include same-sex marriage in God's definition of one-flesh relationships.

However, I have a problem if you are not willing to "pay the price" the next pieces of scripture imply.

I have direct experience with my wife and I being "one flesh" - this is not about sex (although I believe the sex act creates a marriage - and not the church or society). My wife is "bone of my bones; and flesh of my flesh". We are one entity with two personalities - like Christ and God; and in our unity with God through the Holy Spirit that indwells us both - we form a type of the Trinity that represents the nature of God to the world. Marriage is God's institution for displaying His nature to the world. Of course, we humans succeed in blurring the image we are to present quite nicely and almost always.

Jesus and Paul both branched off the Genesis verse. First, of course,

Jesus

Mark reports (probably from Peter):

Mark 10:4 They said, "Moses permitted a man TO WRITE A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY." 5 But Jesus said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. 6 "But from the beginning of creation, God MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE. 7 "FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, 8 AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." 10 In the house the disciples began questioning Him about this again. 11 And He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; 12 and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery."

and Matthew gives "the rest of the story":

Matthew 19:10 The disciples said to Him, "If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry." 11 But He said to them, "Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 "For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother's womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it."

What does this say for Ted Haggard's choices? Or mine? Or yours if you are married? By using the word eunuch, isn't Christ saying that if you are not willing to be married, and married "for life", that you should avoid sex period?

Jesus talked about adultery earlier during the Sermon on the Mount; and made it clear, as usual, that it is our heart - and not our actions - that matter:

Matthew 5:27 "You have heard that it was said, `YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY'; 28 but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 "If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 "If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell. 31 "It was said, `WHOEVER SENDS HIS WIFE AWAY, LET HIM GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE'; 32 but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

and immediately goes to the heart of what an oath must be:

33 "Again, you have heard that the ancients were told, `YOU SHALL NOT MAKE FALSE VOWS, BUT SHALL FULFILL YOUR VOWS TO THE LORD.' 34 "But I say to you, make no oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, 35 or by the earth, for it is the footstool of His feet, or by Jerusalem, for it is THE CITY OF THE GREAT KING. 36 "Nor shall you make an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. 37 "But let your statement be, `Yes, yes' or `No, no'; anything beyond these is of evil.

Paul

Paul cranks "one flesh" up another notch or two - but of course he was writing after the Pentecost so that makes sense. Does our intent matter when we enter marriage - a "one flesh" relationship? Paul was obviously dealing with a Corinthian church in crisis on a lot of levels; including sexually. In his letters to the Corinthians, he corrects them about prostitution and marriage; and points out a deep spiritual reason to "flee immorality":

1 Corinthians 6:13 . . . Yet the body is not for immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body. 14 Now God has not only raised the Lord, but will also raise us up through His power. 15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be! 16 Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, "THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH." 17 But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. 18 Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. 19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? 20 For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.

Imagine God, Christ, and/or the Holy Spirit as a direct participant in your every sexual acts once you have been indwelt - that should give you some pause; and imagine marriage as initiated by the sex act itself - even with a prostitute. [For those interested in what became of the Corinthians after these two letters - see Clement of Rome's letter to the Corinthians. This, incidentally, was close to acceptance into the Canon]

One last point, which is derived from this one flesh relationship:

1 Corinthians 7:1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. 3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But this I say by way of concession, not of command. 7 Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. 8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. 9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 10 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband 11 (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.

The idea that our sexual life is under the authority of our spouse, whether we are the husband or the wife, is of course a radical concept - which has never been practiced by all believers and may never be. As much as folks want to separate Paul's teaching from Christ's, the theme of Paul's presentation here is clearly present in and derived from the teachings of Christ.

Of course, that is all really hard teaching which humans care to ignore - because it's hard: "Moses" still allows us to divorce because our "heart is hard". There is some teaching on what I, as a husband, need to do in order to make this work. Maybe that will help:

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself [see also: "The Submission of the Christian Husband"]

Nope, no out there for myself or Ted.

Conclusion

Regardless of Ted Haggard's "orientation", and his honesty about that with his wife, when he got married, he was "in for the duration" and obligated to take "every thought captive" for Christ. There is no excuse for adultery; and if he is divorced he should be celibate for life unless he is reconciled to his wife: he should become a eunuch for the Kingdom of God.

I am as hypocritical compared to this standard as Ted Haggard is: I am teaching this is true while not living up to it - even today. If we are all honest, we all would be hypocritical to this standard (as Christ loved us?) unless we delete part of the standard to save our hypocrisy. Luckily, while we are called to strive for holiness (and are responsible for "every thought and deed" in that), we can rest in the love and mercy of Christ when we fall short. Which, of course, we all will.

* * * * *

Other resources:

• My church recently had a three-part series on marriage :
  • Forever Together I
  • Forever Together II
  • Forever Together III
  This may give some of you a better idea about what some conservative churches talk about when they talk about marriage
• "Christian Marriage" from Mere Christianity
• "The Meaning of Christian Marriage"

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Overview: Three Posts Coming

[Crossposted from Street Prophets]

Ted Haggard's fall has been fascinating. It has rightfully called up many questions of orientation, marriage, sex, obsession, obedience, works, grace, mercy, and unfounded faith in other human beings. All the more so for me perhaps because I am a sexual addict and understand daily that struggle against "part[s] of my life that [are] repulsive and dark".

Some of the comments at Street Prophets have been good, bad and ugly - and some have succeeded in including all three. Last Saturday I was certain I was going to discuss (1) the Biblical view of marriage between followers of Christ. I promised to do so in response to these two comments: this one:

Here's the deal, JCH : No, I don't think that because someone went into a marriage with illusions means they can suddenly decide to negate the union when cold hard reality hits them.

If anyone could have bailed for that reason, it should have been me when Dana came down with cancer. I was 6 years older than him and had had HIV for 10 years longer than him when we met, and my expectations were 1) newer medications would get us through and 2) I'd be the first to go.

Didn't work out that way, yet I STUCK TO MY COMMITMENT.

But cancer, and his f....d up family, and our illusions were externals.

The internals are that our relationship was founded on the TRUTH about ourselves. Both gay men, both desiring monogamy, both HIV+ - and some other details that are not relevant here.

Externals will always change, that's the nature of existence, but some internals never will (in a given lifetime), and we must make peace with them, or live our entire lives in vain, in service to lies and denial. It is highly unlikely that exclusive orientation (hetero OR homo, and not to be confused with acts) will change in the course of one's life, though it is possible to pretend otherwise and lie convincingly to oneself and others. (I'm intentionally leaving the inherent ambiguity of bisexuality out of this discussion).

Haggard took a vow in direct and irreconcilable conflict with the truth of his internal nature. His relationship with his wife was, is and will forever be a LIE. I flatly refuse to believe that God holds ANY vow so sacrosanct that it cannot be broken when predicated on falsehood, especially SELF-deception. If you honestly believe God does, then I want no part of that God, because He values Appearance over Truth, something Jesus repeatedly preached against.

The only thing I will say at the moment is that I want to examine this definition of internal and external - I do not agree. Wolfie's love, integrity, and unwillingness to abandon Dana were all, of course, internals. The contrast in this week was my pastor talking about a follower of Christ who divorced his wife because she got a double mastectomy after her breast cancer. The other comment in the same thread was this:

"He gave her title to his sex life"?

Oh really?

I'm a former lawyer. I have some idea of what "title" means in a legal way. And I can tell you that the average 22 year old (that's how old Haggard was when he got married) had no idea of what "legal title" was, nor did Gayle Haggard know what she was getting.

I've never seen this kind of thing expressed in the Bible. I think you're reading the American property owning system back on to your belief that marriage is basically sacrosanct, hard to break up except in cases of adultery, that sort of thing. I don't think this is fair to married people to do that.

I did give the scripture in that thread; but the question I probably will never be able to look at is: Did Gayle Haggard know? My wife knows more about the adultery that broke up my first marriage than my first wife knew; knows that I had homosexual lovers before that (both of these the day I proposed); and knows I now struggle with pornography (something I never had problems with before 4 years ago). Why assume Ted Haggard has not, in the past, opened up these struggles to his wife? Do you think she wouldn't have married him and had 5 of his children if she knew? And, are you sure his homosexual desires pre-dated his marriage to Gayle? Of course, some of this is wrapped up in the next coming post.

After Haggard's public confession, I was certain that I was going to discuss (2) my sexual addict's view of what Haggard said. I believe at the moment this will develop as a counter-point to "Ted Haggard Embraces More Lies, Continues 'repulsive and dark' Path"; and will probably mostly center around:

I am a deceiver and a liar. There is a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I've been warring against it all of my adult life.

For extended periods of time, I would enjoy victory and rejoice in freedom. Then, from time to time, the dirt that I thought was gone would resurface, and I would find myself thinking thoughts and experiencing desires that were contrary to everything I believe and teach.

Through the years, I've sought assistance in a variety of ways, with none of them proving to be effective in me. Then, because of pride, I began deceiving those I love the most because I didn't want to hurt or disappoint them.

The public person I was wasn't a lie; it was just incomplete. When I stopped communicating about my problems, the darkness increased and finally dominated me. As a result, I did things that were contrary to everything I believe. -- Ted Haggard

These statements have so much truth in them about what I and other sex addicts who are followers of Christ experience that I cannot let the other post stand as an explanation of this situation. I am also sorry that this part of Haggard's statement was not included in the other post

Please forgive my accuser. He is revealing the deception and sensuality that was in my life. Those sins, and others, need to be dealt with harshly. So, forgive him and, actually, thank God for him. I am trusting that his action will make me, my wife and family, and ultimately all of you, stronger. He didn't violate you; I did.

This all impacts the third coming post.

The last topic floating around in my head is the concept of early orientations (general) [this post isn't going to happen - the other two sucked the life out of it]; whether we can assume God made us that way; and, in the case of Ted Haggard and myself, whether it is acceptable that we have been led by the Holy Spirit to see our orientations as "repulsive and dark" even though others see their similar orientations as "God-given". If I see my orientations from earliest childhood - that oppose scripture - as coming from "the world, the flesh, or the devil" (and not from God), then am I "living a lie", or am I "self-loathing", if I choose to carry on an ongoing struggle with things that are part of my basic personality which I believe are wrong. Also, more deeply, shouldn't followers of Christ, to some degree, loathe their "self" if it conflicts with the revelation of God, either through scripture or the Holy Spirit? As Paul said:

Romans 7:14 For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin. 15 For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. 16 But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. 17 So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. 19 For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. 20 But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. 21 I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. 22 For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, 23 but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. 24 Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.

and the triumphant answer in the next chapter [pardon the long quote - I just couldn't find the place to cut this passage off]:

Romans 8:1 Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. 3 For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, 4 so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5 For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. 6 For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, 7 because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, 8 and those who are in the flesh cannot please God. 9 However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him. 10 If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness. 11 But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you. 12 So then, brethren, we are under obligation, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh-- 13 for if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live. 14 For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. 15 For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!" 16 The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him. 18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19 For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. 23 And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. 24 For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it. 26 In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; 27 and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

I am going to leave this here with just the pre-knowledge to y'all that I will be posting on the three topics above between today and tomorrow; and invite you, in comments to this post, to give me some insight into what you see in these three questions - because, frankly, I am not, especially on the topic #2 and #3, sure what I am actually going to write today and tomorrow.

Read more!

Christian Carnivals 144 and 145

CXLIV (144)

The introduction from Buzz at The Buzz Blog:

Let's get things started with this:

And of His fullness we have all received, and grace for grace. For the law was given through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. No one has seen God at any time. The only begotten Son, who is in the bosom of the Father, He has declared Him. - John 1:16-18

CXLV (145)

The introduction from Henry at The Participatory Bible Study Blog:

I've chosen a theme ride at an amusement park as the metaphor with which to present the posts. Please don't take it too seriously-I chose where to place some of the posts based more on numbers than on content, though I tried to keep it reasonable. After reading all these posts, I was reminded of the text:

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven" -- Ecclesiastes 3:1

About Christian Carnival:

Contributing a Post to the Christian Carnival

The Christian Carnival is open to Christians of Protestant, Orthodox, and Roman Catholic convictions. One of the goals of this Carnival is to offer our readers to a broad range of Christian thought.

Posts need not be of a theological topic. Posts about home life, politics, or current events, for example, written from a Christian worldview are welcome.

Update: As the goal of this Carnival is to highlight Christian thought in the blogosphere, entries will be limited to blogs that share that goal. Blogs with content that is focused on a business, that has potentially offensive material Christians may not want to link to on their sites, or has no reference to distinctively Christian thought may not be included in this Carnival. There are other Carnivals that would be a more appropriate venue for that material. I realize that this will be a judgment call on the part of the Carnival administrator, and being human she may make mistakes. However, as the Christian Carnival is getting quite large, and it is sometimes questionable whether the entrants are seeking to promote Christian thought, I find this necessary.

Update: We also expect a level of discourse that is suitable for a Christian showcase. Thus entries may be refused if they engage in name-calling, ad hominem attacks, offensive language, or for any similar reason as judged by the administrator.

So, if you have a post in this framework - go here to find out more: Christian Carnival Participation Instructions. Deadline for next Carnival: 10/31 at 11:59pm EST.

Read more!

Joy in Her Doubt

It was inevitable. It was necessary. It is here.

My 13 year old daughter doubts her faith; thinks it is wrong to force her to go to church; and wishes to figure out what she believes "on her own". I am actually happy this occurred at 13; and not 17 or 18 when I really expected it to happen. However, again, it was inevitable. It was necessary.

We go to school and learn "the truth"; our parents teach us "the truth"; we open books and read "the truth" - and it doesn't take us very long to realize these are different stories. They conflict and so we started seeking authority - some way to know what to really believe. Children start to say "well, everyone believes this"; so the authority is what everyone thinks; or "we voted on this"; "the teacher says"; "I think"; or "I cannot believe in a God that would do that" *

* all quotes in this diary except the last are from "Loving God with all Your Mind" and are my paraphrase of Carl Palmer

I do not think God lets us cruise into Heaven on the faith of our parents. We have to own it ourselves. She has to own it herself in a school program for the academically gifted in a school district filled with engineers and scientists: her peers are not Christians, or believers of any sort. She is now surrounded, and hammered apparently, by agnostics and atheists intent, in a way only teenagers can model, of proving her faith irrational and anti-intellectual. She has come to doubt as a result. I sincerely thank God for that; and in this moment feel vindicated that we never put her in a Christian school in order to avoid this problem.

Many people respond to doubt with avoidance - it is hard work to anchor one's faith. After all, I blew out of my faith for 25 years and became a hard agnostic and an enemy of God - until my wife hammered at the judge long enough. It was meeting God that brought me back - my arrogance and pride was broken by the Holy Spirit. The last 11 years has been all about anchoring my faith after decades of deriding and insulting followers of Christ, and indeed any believers in any form of God, for their superstitions and metaphysics.

We live in a culture that is very opposed to critical thinking. By critical thinking, Carl means carefully examining something to see if it is true or not. We are so bombarded with lies that (since we have lived in a culture where we are told we determine what is true) now people no longer know how to think very well. That should not be true of followers of Jesus Christ. We should be leading the way in the right use of the mind.

Some Christians in America have also become anti-intellectual. They will say things like:

• "Do not try to understand this with your mind - just believe";
• "Faith is not really a reasonable thing";
• "Faith is not intended to be logical";
• "Faith is a leap in the dark";
• "God's thoughts are above our thoughts".

What do all these mean? Does that mean God is not logical? That His logic is different from ours? That He would say 2+2=15; but we cannot understand that so we just have to believe? If you hear something like that you should hear a large warning horn going off somewhere - these things are not true

Of course, those statements are a red flag to a 13 year old intellectual; and if repeated to her 13 year old intellectual friends will have her buried in derision and ridicule. However,

The message of God - the Bible, the Cross, the blood of Christ, salvation - is logical. It is reasonable. It is coherent. It is consistent. It is sound. It is true. It is not true because someone says it is; or because you believe it - it is true because it is real. There is such a thing as an absolute objective reality. God has said He wants you to know; and He has given you a mind with which to understand the truth. Our faith is not based upon a leap in the dark - it is based on eyewitness testimony. Our faith is a reasonable, logical, coherent, consistent system of truth that is understandable.

. . .

We are in a struggle for truth and the authority of that truth . . . That is why we study the Bible . . .

but:

How do we trust the authority of the Bible? Christians are famous for circular reasoning: we believe the Bible is the word of God and study it because in the Bible it says it is the word of God. So, how do we know it is the word of God (without circular reasoning)? This is a question we should be able to answer.

This, of course, is where my daughter is now. Will she do the work? Or simply step away from her faith because it is easier than anchoring it. Carl again:

Most people do not do the work - they just believe what they hear - and that is not the proper use of our minds.

So, if you are one of those Christians who do not know whether they can really trust the Bible - then you need to deal with that first. Do not primarily read the Bible if you do not trust it . . . this is where you need to do your work and engage your mind. If your faith is at the place where you just do not know if the Bible is true or not - that is where you need to focus.

and

It was here that Carl did his investigation: Has it been protected for 2000 years - is it true to what was written long ago? So he studied the ancient manuscripts and how the canon was set. There are huge, incredible books written on that. There is the internal evidence that it is the word of God; and there are great books written on that. There are books written on questions that skeptics ask - so you get and read some of those . . . When we do our own investigation, and engage our minds, we can pile up huge amounts of evidence to prove the reliability of the word of God.

Now I get to help my daughter work through this process if she will work through it. Again, I thank God for the opportunity to provide spiritual leadership to my daughter. I thank Him for preparing me for this task all of my life. And, of course, I thank Him for my daughter and her "coming to doubt" at such a good time.

This post isn't about getting advice (but I welcome it) - my whole life has pointed to this moment. It is about prayer: for my patience and wisdom; and for her to truly pursue the truth now that she has found herself doubting the truth. Hey, a Christian buddy of mine suggested that I really needed to read the Quran the other day; and last night I offered to read through it with my daughter. That brings to mind one of my wife's favorite sayings:

Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous

Read more!

"Training vs. Trying" Pt. 3

[I am continuing to journal the study questions from Chapter 3 of John Ortberg's The Life You've Always Wanted. For some "look ahead" at the book, I have posted the chapter titles at the index link at the bottom.]

Some Personal Stuff

Prayer Direction:

Many of your group members communicated that they are making a commitment to specific disciplines that will help them overcome barriers and grow in spiritual maturity. Pray for each of your group members to stay committed to these new disciplines. Pray for them to experience joy and encouragement as they begin this journey.

Living the Life:

The author writes about the reality that people don't just drift into a life of training. They must be committed.

• What is one specific step you need to take to begin your training toward developing a new area of spiritual discipline?
• Who will you invite to encourage you, challenge you, and keep you accountable in this area of commitment?

Personal Reflection:

The author says that if keeping the spiritual disciplines makes us less loving, rather than more loving, we would be better off not practicing them. Are there disciplines you need to stop because they are driving love out of your life?

All of these are more private spiritual questions for your personal reflection.

Please be free to share these personal reflections as you are moved. Particularly, if you are in need of the prayer in the "prayer direction", or wish to be supported by someone "Living the Life" - please say so in the comments.

Next in series: "A 'Dee Dah Day' " Pt. 1
Index to Series

Read more!

"Training vs Trying" Pt. 2

[I am continuing to journal the study questions from Chapter 3 of John Ortberg's The Life You've Always Wanted. For some "look ahead" at the book, I have posted the chapter titles at the index link at the bottom.]

How do we know what spiritual disciplines to practice? In a sense, the answer comes from thinking backwards

• First, we must understand clearly what it means to live in the Kingdom of God. Jesus spent much of his time helping people see what true spirituality looks like.
• Second, we must learn what particular barriers keep us from living that kind of life.
• Third, we must discover what particular practices, experiences, or relationships can help us overcome these barriers. . . .

For some of you reading this book, perhaps the single most spiritual thing you could do is put it down and take a nap -- John Ortberg

Additional Small Group Questions

1. What are some of the possible implications for a person who decides to only try hard but never train?



2. If we make personal spiritual advancement a legalistic program, how can this lead to guilt and sadness rather than joy?



3. How have you found joy and peace during the times you have developed disciplines that train you for godliness?


[The next question really requires background I didn't give. For that background read this comment]


4. What are some of the signs that the wind of the Spirit is blowing and that you should raise your sails?

Next in series: "Training vs. Trying" Pt. 3
Index to Series

Read more!

"Training vs. Trying" Pt. 1

[I am continuing to journal the study questions from Chapter 3 of John Ortberg's The Life You've Always Wanted. For some "look ahead" at the book, I have posted the chapter titles at the index link at the bottom.]

There is an immense difference between training to do something and trying to do something. Spiritual transformation is not about trying harder but training wisely. Also the author wanted to point out, before examining spiritual disciplines, that spiritual disciplines are not:

• a barometer of spirituality;
• a way to earn favor with God;
• necessarily unpleasant

The author's definition of a discipline:

Any activity we can do by direct effort that can help me to do what I cannot now do by direct effort

Main Questions

1. Failure to train:
   1. Describe a time when you failed to train and discovered that no matter how hard you tried, you could not accomplish your goal.
   2. What did you learn from this experience?

Answer: my two attempts at college; and actually high school, are an example.

In high school, I didnt really have to work and learned no study disciplines. While I finished with good grades, they were not good enough for the level of school I wanted to go to (but hadnt earned) - or at least not and get a scholarship.

In my first term of college, that lack of study disciplines gave home to roost - and the general lack of real effort and discipline in high school pushed me into "flunk out" mode in college.


2. The author talks about the need to train for things like competing in an athletic event, learning an instrument or a new language, or running a business.
   1. What might happen if a person takes training seriously in one of these areas?
   2. Tell about a time you trained and prepared and how you felt when you were able to accomplish your goal.

Answer: (1) they will excel on a higher level than would have been the case if they had not prepared and trained.

(2) My second time in college, at 40, I excelled academically and earned my degree - because I took a study skills class before I started my academic subjects, and then applied, and honed, those skills as I went through school.


3. The author points out that there are certain disciplines needed to train for a triathlon and a very different set of disciplines needed to prepare for a pie eating contest. Every area of life demands different disciples for growth. What are some of the core elements of a disciplined training regiment that will help you prepare for spiritual vitality and maturity?

Answer: for me,
• prayer with my wife (which I hardly do - but helps immensely),
• time in the word,
• accountability with other believers in small groups (both to help me and help them)
• discussion to clarify and develop my ideas.
• looking for ways to reach out and aide my neighbors - whether those that live with me or those I come in contact with every day.


Background: The frog and the toad

In the children's book Frog and Toad Together, the two central characters discover the limits of mere trying when Frog bakes a batch of cookies. "We ought to stop eating," they say, as they keep eating. "We must stop," they resolve, as they eat some more. "We need willpower," Frog finally says, grabbing another cookie.

"What is willpower?" asks Toad, swallowing another mouthful.

"Willpower is trying very hard not to do something you want to do very much," Frog says.

Frog discusses a variety of ways to help with willpower-putting the cookies in a box, tying the box shut, putting it high up in a tree-but each time Toad points out (in between bites) that they could climb the tree and untie the box. In desperation, Frog finally dumps the remaining cookies outside on the ground: "Hey, birds!" he calls. "Here's cookies!"

"Now we have no more cookies," says Toad sadly.

"Yes," says Frog, "but we have lots and lots of willpower."

"You may keep it all," Toad replies. "I'm going home to bake a cake."

4. Describe a time you have felt like these two discipline challenged friends?

Answer: oh so much. I continue to struggle with pornography; and it feels exactly like these two pastry eating animals.


5. One definition of spiritual discipline is "any activity that can help you gain power to live life as Jesus taught and modeled it." Take time as a group to walk through the process below:
   
   
   1. To get a taste of how broad this is, work as a group to form a list of at least twenty examples of things you can do that will help you gain power to live the life Jesus intended.
   
   Answer:
   • Prayer
   • Service to others unselfishly
   • Being in God's word
   • Quiet time with God
   • Self-examination
   
   
   2. To help you think creatively and deeply, once you are out of ideas, try to come up with three more!
   3. Use your group's brainstorming list above to identify one new spiritual discipline you want to develop in your life.
   4. Tell your small, group members what new discipline you will be practicing and how you hope it will impact your spiritual life.
   5. Invite them to encourage you and pray for you in the coming weeks as you grow in this area.


Psalms 127:1 Unless the LORD builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the LORD guards the city, The watchman keeps awake in vain. 2 It is vain for you to rise up early, To retire late, To eat the bread of painful labors; For He gives to His beloved {even in his} sleep.


6. John talks about how being a parent can become God's training' school for spiritual maturity in a person's life.
   1. What are some of the unique spiritual lessons that can be learned in this season of life?
   2. What title would you give far the unique season of life you are in now and how can this season become a time of growth and formation in becoming all God wants you to be?

Answers: (1)
• patience,
• ability to accept imperfection,
• learning to guide change,
• unconditional love towards another,
• realization of our lack of control :-)
• caretaking of what God has given us.

(2) I am a parent - this example worked real well for me. I am also spiritually growing, and struggling (which is necessary for the growth). I am trying to get over a "hump" to "the next level" in my walk with God.


7. We all know what it feels like to be rested and what it feels like to be very tired.
   1. How do you change for the worse when you are tired and how do you change for the better when you are rested?
   2. How might adjusting your present sleep patterns help you grow in your ability to love God and others?

Answers: (1) I am more tempted when tired, and have less interest in fighting that temptation off.

(2) Well, the above being reversed - also not staying up as late would give me more time away from the sources of the temptations and more time to spend on the things that truly matter.

Next in series: "Training vs. Trying" Pt. 2
Index to Series

Read more!

"Surprised by Change" Pt. 3

[I am continuing to journal the study questions from Chapter 2 of John Ortberg's The Life You've Always Wanted. For some "look ahead" at the book, I have posted the chapter titles at the index link at the bottom.]

Some Personal Stuff

Prayer Direction:

Take time to prayer for group members who feel spiritually depleted and whose tanks are running low. Pray for a fresh filling of the presence of God and for renewed and authentic faith

Living the Life:

Take time in the coming week to help fuel up one of your small-group members through praying daily for them; through an affirming note; or by some creative means of encouragement

Personal Reflection:

What are some of the boundary markers the reflect the spiritual life of your church or community?

• Vocabulary
• Dress
• Major Do's
• Major Don'ts
• Worship Style

Personal Disciplines:

The author said that Jesus was the most approachable person who ever lived. What can you do to grow in your approachability and be more like Jesus

All of these are more private spiritual questions for your personal reflection.

Please be free to share these personal reflections as you are moved. Particularly, if you are in need of the prayer in the "prayer direction", or wish to be supported by someone "Living the Life" - please say so in the comments.

Next in series: "Training vs. Trying"
Index to Series

Read more!

"Surprised by Change" Pt. 2

[I am continuing to journal the study questions from Chapter 2 of John Ortberg's The Life You've Always Wanted. For some "look ahead" at the book, I have posted the chapter titles at the index link at the bottom.]

I will probably not get a chance to answer these before my meeting tonight and will go not fully prepared.

Additional Group Questions

1. What are some of the signs that we are settling for pseudo-transformation rather than a true and life-changing work of God within us?


Read Deuteronomy 6:1-9 and Matthew 22:37-40


2. How do these passages fly in the face of boundary-marker spirituality and call us to authentic faith?


3. On a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being completely legalistic and 10 loving God with your all and your neighbor as yourself, how do you rate yourself?



4. The author wrote about the tendency to become judgemental and exclusive. What are some of the dangers if we let the poison of judgemental pride fill our hearts?
   • For us
   • For the church
   • For those outside the church

Next in series: "Surprised by Change" Pt. 3
Index to Series

Read more!

"Surprised by Change" Pt. 1

[I am continuing to journal the study questions from Chapter 2 of John Ortberg's The Life You've Always Wanted. For some "look ahead" at the book, I have posted the chapter titles at the index link at the bottom.]

Main Questions

Background: The story of "Hank" begins the chapter.

Hank was a cranky guy. He did not smile easily, and when he did, the smile often had a cruel edge to it, coming at someone's expense. He had a knack for discovering islands of bad news in oceans of happiness. He would always find a cloud where others saw a silver lining.

Hank rarely affirmed anyone. He operated on the assumption that if you compliment someone, it might lead to a swelled head, so he worked to make sure everyone stayed humble. His was a ministry of cranial downsizing.

His native tongue was complaint. He carried judgment and disapproval the way a prisoner carries a ball and chain. Although he went to church his whole life, he was never unshackled

The church Hank attended expected Hank to come to church, tithe, affirm certain beliefs, and avoid certain sins. They didn't expect that each year Hank would progressively be transformed to be more like Christ.

1. Without using a name, how have you been impacted by a "Hank" in your life?

Answer: I haven't been able to think of a "Hank" although I know I have met them. Do I just ignore and blot them out of my memory? Wow


2. What are some of the possible consequences if we expect people to follow a list of rules and regulations but fail to call them to a life that is becoming more and more like Jesus?

Answer: Jesus cared about our insides more than our outsides - so we are allowing to put on a mask and yet lead an untransformed life. We are also saying that as long as the act and look right - we really do not care what their life is really like; or what their walk with Christ is really like




[each of us is] like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased -- C.S. Lewis

3. In what ways is this true of your life? [this is about spiritual, and not temporal, issues]

Answer: This is a major issue for me for reasons I have expressed here before. We lose the ability to truly walk in joy with Christ when we step away from Him in disobediance. It is such foolishness to protect parts of our lives that leave us making mud pies alone rather than going on a beach holiday with God.


Background:

James Dunn notes that in the first century A.D. a vast amount of rabbinic writing focused on circumcision, dietary laws, and Sabbath keeping. This seems odd, because no devout rabbi would have said these matters were at the heart of the Law. They knew its core: 'Hear, 0 Israel: The LORD is our God, the LORD alone. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might." So why the focus on these three practices?

The answer involves what might be called "identity" or "boundary markers." Groups have a tendency to be exclusive. Insiders want to separate themselves from outsiders. So they adopt boundary markers. These are highly visible, relatively superficial practices - matters of vocabulary or dress or style - whose purpose is to distinguish between those inside a group and those who are outside.

Now, read Matthew 23:1-28


4. Jesus tells us a great deal about the teachers of the law and the Pharisees
   1. What were some of their boundary markers?
   2. How did Jesus feel about this approach to faith?
   3. What are some examples of how these markers exist today?

Answer:

Part 1: The pharisees talked the right stuff but didnt do it; made their dress the best; sat in places of honor; sought respectful names; traveled to make disciples; made long prayers; made rules on which types of oaths were binding; tithed; and generally looked good on the outside. All of this while they didnt follow Gods commands themselves; and they were thiefs.

Part 2: It was the reverse of what it should be. We should "clean the inside of the cup" so that the outside would be clean. We should be righteous and not try to appear righteous.

Part 3: All of them: dress, avoiding smoking, trying to evangelize while they themselves are living a lie, saying the right things but not doing the right things, etc.



5. Sometimes our spiritual tank is overflowing; and sometimes it is running on fumes. How is your spiritual tank right now.
   1. What has brought you to this point?
   2. What fills your tank and gives you fuel for authentic spiritual growth?
   3. What causes your tank to empty?
   4. What can you do in the coming week to make sure your tank is being filled for authentic Christian living, and who will keep you accountable in this growth area?
   
   Answer: I put my tank at 1/2 full
   
   (1) I am at this point because I still avoid things the Holy Spirit tells me not to avoid: prayer with my wife, daily quiet time with God. This is coupled with doing things I know I shouldnt. In my life, this teetor-toter is clear to me - spend more time with God and my other problems drop; spend less and they rise.
   
   (2) Answered in #1
   (3) Pretty much answered in #1
   (4) Continue to work on having spiritural time alone; and with my wife. My accountability is in my men's study group.
   
   
   
6. If you were asked: How is your spiritual life?
   1. What would you use to measure and determine the condition of your spiritual life?
   2. What are healthy and Christ-honoring measures of our spiritual health?

Answer:

(1) My avoidence of the sin that plagues me is the clearest test.

(2) the "fruit" in Galatians 5 are a good measure - and one I use (when I have quiet time and think to examine it):

22 . . . the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control;

and of course the "bad fruit" right above provide some negative examples

19 Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, 21 envying, drunkenness, carousing,

It is interesting that he lists "deeds" in the negative examples, but the positive ones are more attitudinal. Huh.


Again, if you are of a faith tradition other than Christianity you are welcome to answer these questions from your perspective - we can all learn much from how they are viewed. Answer or not - privately or publicly; lurk or not; pick and choose - let's see if we can get a good discussion going.

Next in series: "Surprised by Change" Pt. 2
Index to Series

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Christian Carnivals 141, 142, and 143

Boy these things get past me while I am working

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CXLI (141)

The introduction from Penitens at The Penitent Blogger:

I am honored to be the host. My sincerest thanks to Dory and to all who submitted posts this week. My apologies for the delay and the lack of a brilliant theme on my part.

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CXLII (142)

The introduction from NerdMom at The Nerd Family:

Thank you all for joining me for this week's Christian Carnival. We have many wonderful entries so let us jump right in!

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CXLIII (143)

The introduction from Mick at Romans 15:4 Project:

I am honored to be your host. Let's open with a prayer from Psalm 90:

Heavenly Father -

Before the mountains were born
or you brought forth the earth and the world,
from everlasting to everlasting you are God. (v. 2)

I pray, Lord, that our musings here today would honor you and draw each of the writers and readers closer to you -

Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom. (v. 12)

In Jesus Christ's name I pray - Amen.

Let's see what kind of conversations we come across at the water cooler!

About Christian Carnival:

Contributing a Post to the Christian Carnival

The Christian Carnival is open to Christians of Protestant, Orthodox, and Roman Catholic convictions. One of the goals of this Carnival is to offer our readers to a broad range of Christian thought.

Posts need not be of a theological topic. Posts about home life, politics, or current events, for example, written from a Christian worldview are welcome.

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Update: We also expect a level of discourse that is suitable for a Christian showcase. Thus entries may be refused if they engage in name-calling, ad hominem attacks, offensive language, or for any similar reason as judged by the administrator.

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Elections and Abortions

Just another one of those conversation posts that originated at Street Prophets. I think Pastordan is probably correct - the Foley scandal may just be the last straw to end the Republican majority in the U.S. House of Representatives and perhaps the U.S. Senate.

I linked this post by Joe Carter at Evangelical Outpost where he agrees that this is the apparent case

Poll after poll shows that voters are dissatisfied with the GOP. For months conservative pundits have been listing the reasons why the Republicans deserve to lose. Then the Foley scandal broke, revealing that the House leadership is either more corrupt or incompetent than we had imagined. Congressional Republicans appear to be headed for a fall this fall.

except, in the end, abortion will doom the Democrats

Once the dust settles, though, the result will be the same as it’s been for a decade: the Republicans will still be in control of the House and Senate and the Democrat’s will wonder how they managed to blow it yet again. There will be the inevitable stream of books and op-eds to explain “What Went Wrong” but they’ll be missing the two words that consistently kill the hopes for a Democratic-controlled legislature: Roe and Doe.

A pretty good discussion ensued in this thread. The key comment in this thread that led to this post, after me saying abortion really isn't a "single-issue":

Well, For JCH it is more than a simple single issue. He posted the other day that if you banned abortion (and that's the big IF), you'd also need other things, reform the adoption system, better pre and post natal care, etc.

That really does take it above the mantra of "single-issue".

However, I don't think that's the stance of most of these anti-abortion voters, at least the ones I've met.

Most of these people are looking for a very simplistic...and to be honest morally safe*.. black and white view of the world. And this issue seems to give it to them.

*And by morally safe, I mean that it's in an area that they won't "trip" themselves, so they. and others can see them in those pristine pure white terms.

Needless to say, a lot of those people I've met I personally would say are quite morally challenged, so to speak.

I like Karmakin a lot actually, considering how different we are. He is struggling mightily to come up with a moral "language" that both secular and religious folks can unite around in a common framework. Since I believe in a version of natural law, and the actual existence of common moral beliefs stretching across all cultures and religions, I like his style - a lot.

The comment by me that he mentions in that last quote is here and the applicable section to this post is this:

Abortion: I think abortion is immoral, but shouldn't be outlawed.

• If on the national level, they tell me they will work to pass any constitutional amendment on abortion, pro or con, they are probably done. I might support one that bans but allows exceptions for life and health of mother, and severe health issues for child, plus rape and incest. They better, however, also support complete medical coverage and financial support (paid medical leave) for all pregnancies, and adoption reform - or they should just leave it to the states
• On the national level, if they say they will get judges to overturn Roe, they are done.
• On any level, if they oppose parental notification, they are done

Now, my response to my abortion stance not being "single-issue" because I wanted to include social and material support for women (with some modification)

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I wish I could say that is what I meant by "single issue". For many in my church, say, those 1,200,000+ abortions a year are just as real a lost life as a soldier or civilian killed in Iraq or an earthquake victim in Pakistan. Period. All the deaths in Iraq are a drop in the abortion bucket. All of the AIDS deaths in sub-Sahara Africa in 2005 is only about 700,000 more than the abortion deaths in the US alone. The exceptions for life and health of the mother, health of the child, rape and incest only amount to about 10% of that 1,200,000 - leaving over a 1,000,000 that are the taking of innocent life without excuse.

Frankly, while I am more politically-wired and looking for compromises that can do something, I agree. If you believe that, all other issues pall - and the defenders of abortion, in justifying abortion, really are justifying a degradation of all American culture. Everything good and moral begins to sink into the abyss with this immorality.

We are created imago dei: in the image of God. Our value is defined not by what "we can do" (our value to others), but "what we are"(our intrinsic value). In justifying abortion, different folks have different standards on what abilities constitute a person they have to hold in regard: sentience, cognition, self-awareness, sociality, the capacity to make plans, or their mother believing they have that regard. All of these are measures not of "what we are" but "what we can do" - they all ignore imago dei and that we have an inherent nature that is worthy of respect and that makes us a "rights bearer" regardless of the narrow definitions of "personhood" our society may hold. Once we start defining which "images of God" are not "persons" with adequate sentience, cognition, self-awareness, sociality, capacity to make plans, etc. - then we justify infanticide, mercy killing, and active euthanasia (which I actually support in Oregon) - not to mention just good old fashion racism, sexism, murder and genocide.

In discussing the five furies of conscience, J. Budziszewski used abortion in every example. When I discussed the Five Furies, I removed abortion from the examples, because I frankly did not want to be accused of back-dooring an anti-abortion rant by means of a philosophy discussion - just as Joe Carter was accused of running Karl Rove's "wedge issue play sheet" by one of his commenter's in his post linke above. I wanted to discuss conscience without a pie-fight on abortion. J. Bud's reason for using abortion throughout this discussion:

All the furies collude. Each reinforces the others, not only in individuals but in the social group. Perhaps you and I connive in displaced reconciliation by becoming comrades in guilty deeds. Or perhaps my compulsion to confess feeds your compulsion to justify yourself. In such ways entire groups, entire societies may drive themselves downhill, as the revenge of the conscience grows more and more terrible.

My examples focus on abortion, which is both the chief means by which our is losing our moral sanity and the greatest symptom of its loss

I am still not interested in a pie-fight on abortion - I just want to make you understand that this isn't a "wedge issue", or a "distraction from the real moral issues", or a "single-issue" for a large number of US voters. Committed pro-life folk weigh other issues; and if you want to "balance their view" then you have to place "values" greater than a million lives on the other side of the scale. That is not really very easy to accomplish. If you thought fetuses were imago dei and rights bearers, just like you, because they have intrinsic worth based on what they are rather than what they can do, it would be hard to distract you from this issue as well. A million lives is a million lives.

The other solution is to "lower the weight" of the million lives so that it is easier to balance that weight on the other side. However, the more

• they are called "believers in forced childbirth" without any discussion of who "forces" women to get pregnant
• they hear fetuses called clumps of cells
• Democrats "support" the continuation of procedures like Intact D&X's
• Democrats oppose parental notification (supported by 80% of the population);

- then the more they believe that the Democratic Party is incapable of compromising on abortion on demand. They believe, as sometimes I feel, that the Democratic Party has never met an abortion they didn't like - and certainly none they deeply despise.

I doubt if many expect (even if they hope for) the repeal of Roe (I don't - I think the SC appointments were made for that not to happen) but what they expect is to nibble away and restrict abortion, both nationally and at the state level: they want to get it to the point where it is only available in cases of risk to the life of the mother, rape and incest. I think health of the child will be added to that list. Health of the mother may be added if it isn't used to create to large a loophole. Keep in mind: two-thirds of Amercans want abortion restricted from its current levels. They also want abortion unchosen, even if they are not committed, as many are, to making it illegal. Do folks who want to see abortion severely lowered have reason to believe the Democratic Party is going to lead this fight?

I am not trying to change your view of abortion (although that would be nice), just make you understand the passion underlying this issue - and the way folks see it connected to the moral health and life of the whole culture. This is not a "single issue" for these folks; but a nearly impossible to balance "life and death" issue.

Now, if I believe it is this wrong then why do I not support efforts to make it illegal? J. Budziszewski:

To the question "Should the civil law enforce the precepts of the faith?" the biblical answer is, "Some yes, but some no; which ones do you mean?" The New Testament contains literally hundreds of precepts. However, Christianity is not a legislative religion. While the Bible recognizes the Torah as a divinely revealed code for the ruling of Israel before the coming of Messiah, it does not include a divinely revealed code for the ruling of the gentiles afterward. To be sure, the Bible limits the kinds of laws that Christians can accept from their governments, for "we must obey God rather than men" (Acts 5:29). However, it does not prescribe specific laws that they must demand from them.

It is not even true that all of God's commands limit the kinds of laws that Christians can accept. To see this, contrast two such precepts: (1) I am prohibited from deliberately shedding innocent blood; (2) I am prohibited from divorcing a faithful spouse. Both precepts are absolute in their application to me, but that is not the issue. If we are speaking of governmental enforcement, then we are speaking of their application to others. The former precept should require very little watering down in the public square, for even nonbelievers are expected to understand the wrong of murder. That is why I may be confident in condemning the legalization of abortion.

J. Bud may be confident, but regretfully there is no common view that abortion is not a justified taking of life, or even the taking of a "life" at all - which means legal solutions do not exist. We must "win hearts and minds" and make it unchosen - even if we cannot make it illegal.

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